The Sign of the Beaver

A pubescent boy and his trusty Indian spirit guide, Notches On Belt, go out into the crazy streets of Oregon to hunt for p***y.

Jesus On Mars

There are many things that people don't know about Jesus of Nazareth.  For example, did you know that he had square man-boobs?  Or that his blood was actually paintball gun paint?  And did you ever stop to think that maybe he was crucified in a kimono?  Of course not, because you're not insane.  However, all of those things are true.  Also uncovered in this brilliant expose by Farmer was that shortly after the crucifiction, all of the Romans left (sort of like in James Bond movies where the villain ties up Bond in some sort of Rube Goldberg contraption and then flees before witnessing the killing), which freed up the Jetpack Space Monkey to undo the nails and fly Jesus safely to Mars, where he began work on an air filtration system underneath a mining colony.

Mountains of the Sun

In the far-distant past, this swimming pool was awesome, but eventually it was overtaken by these giant eyeball things with spikes that are probably, like, larvae of some sort. Only the pool cleaner in the bottom right corner can save the pool from its now-fiery fate!

The Iron Dream

Hitler was of course the architect of the Nazi party, which we all know was really really terrible. But since it's so much fun to think about what would've happened if the Nazis had won WWII (I mean really, it's so much f***ing fun!), this novel takes place in the future and posits what would've happened if the Nazis had won WWII. And of course, as anyone could've predicted, what would've happened is that Hitler would've been completely alienated by the evil Nazi robots (not pictured) which would've become sentient and then taken over the Nazi party (a la Terminator 2) and thus he would've rode his Nazi Vespa (pictured) as far away from the evil Nazi robots (still not pictured), their evil Nazi rocket (pictured!), and their giant glowing evil Nazi robot swastika (also pictured!) as soon as was (in)humanly possible.

How To Ruin A Vacation

Jackie Jackson's vacation was awesome: she was in a huge queen size bed in the middle of a river valley, she had a straw hat on that didn't feel weird even though her head was rested against a pillow, and she was wearing a sweet set of sunglasses from Sunglass Hut  to block out the sun. But then, suddenly, a cult of tiny trolls started doing battle with the evil Flamingocons above her head! Can she ever get any sleep? Can she ever find, like, a real man? Or even just a daquiri or pina colada or something? Find out in "How To Ruin A Vacation!"

It's Dudelit Week! Net Force: Changing of the Guard

This is a book about how in the future, there will be no fighter jets, bullets, sniper rifles or arrows that kick ass, but how all of the ass-kicking will be ass-kicked in invisible silence by CD-ROMs and a bunch of ones and zeros on the Information Superhighway.

It's Dudelit Week! Private Games

This is a book about an arrow that kicks ass.

It's Dudelit Week! Mortal Prey

This is a book about a sniper rifle that kicks ass.

It's Dudelit Week! The Bourne Identity

This is a book about a bullet that kicks ass.

It's Dudelit Week! The Sum of All Fears

This is a book about a fighter jet that kicks ass.